Observation: It's not the thing, it's you
Why music, sex, and sports feel like freedom
Why is music so good?
Not in the theoretical sense; in the felt sense. When a good song comes on, something in you releases and you make contact with a rare sense of freedom. Same with sex, a riveting movie, or a sport that demands your full attention.
The conventional explanation is that these things are pleasurable, so we pursue them. But if you look closer, it’s obvious that what makes them pleasurable is the level of attention we place on them.
When a really good chorus hits, you’re not narrating, wondering, or worrying. You’re just in it. Your attention, which is normally running circles around yourself – How am I doing? How am I coming across? What does it all mean? – is free of all that and fully fixed on the moment.
The aliveness that emerges in the absence of self-commentary is the main ingredient to making an experience good.
Freedom was never in the thing. The song didn’t add anything to you; it captivated your attention so fully that the usual layers of self-recursive thought fell away. What remained was you, unencumbered and free to interact fully with the moment.
This also explains why chasing things disappoints. If the goodness truly lived in the song, replaying it would work every time. But it doesn’t – we often listen half-heartedly, with the narrator active: This part’s boring, the good bit’s coming up. The thing itself is exactly the same; it’s your level of attention that varies.
The amazing news is, if the magic isn’t in the thing, that means it’s in you. And you’re always here. So freedom is always available, always attainable.